Opinion

Scary George rides again (Bush's pre-Halloween speech)

By Gozawheena Bergacker
Online Journal Contributing Writer

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October 17, 2005—Dear George, Halloween has come to the White House early this year and to celebrate you've donned your favorite Scary Cowboy costume—the one Anne Coulter sewed—and set about terrorizing the world.

I know the goal of your October 6 speech to the National Endowment for Democracy was to scare the bejeesus out of everyone who watched. It worked. The bomb threat in the New York subway tunnel that followed your speech was a nice added touch . . . I'm sure we'll see more of the same in the coming days.

George, I'm scared but I'm also confused. When you described "a radical ideology with immeasurable objectives to enslave whole nations and intimidate the world" were you talking about your Christian Coalition conservative buddies or the Radical Islamists? Who should I think is scarier—"Evil But Not Insane" Bin Laden or "Scary Cowboy" George?

The National Enquirer says you're drinking again and perhaps that explains the confusion. Hell, I can understand a cowboy needing a nip to take the edge off, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea when you're packin' nuclear weapons.

Here's something else I'm not clear about: How long should I stay scared? Your trusty sidekick Dick Cheney warned that the USA could be committed to its war on terror for decades. At my age, that means you'll be trying to scare me for the rest of my life. That's a long time, but you know what's best for America.

I suppose it's much easier to scare a vote out of someone than to steal it from them.

In June 2003, you told Nabil Shaath, the Palestinian information minister, that you were " . . . driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, 'George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did, and then God would tell me, 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq . . . ' And I did."

I hate to tell you this, George, but you did not end tyranny in Iraq. You just swapped one form of oppression for another. And what a pity; you and God had such big plans for the Middle East.

By now God must be throwing his arms up in disgust.

It doesn't take a divinity degree from Bob Jones University to understand that you can't defeat an "ism" with brute force. Communism, creationism, hedonism . . . these are abstractions that even a red-blooded, All-American, Abu Ghraib beating can't exorcize from the brainpan. Your Kristian Konservative Krusade may win a few battles here and abroad, but in the end it cannot be victorious because its only weapon is suppression.

Back in 2000 you said you weren't in the business of nation-building. You sure had me fooled! The need to control oil resources must have trumped your self-described aversion to imperialism. Of course, Saddam was becoming such an annoyance and he allegedly tried to whack your father; perhaps invasion was the only solution.

So what was your plan? First, you sterilize Iraq by bombing it to hell. Second, you march around Baghdad and arrange a photo op with actors pulling down the big statue of Saddam. Third, you call in your friends at Halliburton, KBR, and Blackwater Mercenaries, Inc. to seize the oil fields and divvy up the wealth. Fourth . . . uh . . . well, it appears there wasn't a fourth.

Well, the plan didn't work. We now find ourselves in a quagmire of your creation and we're told we need to stay because you've made such a mess.

Surely God cannot be pleased.

You didn't succeed in squeezing oil out of Iraq (remember when you said Iraqi oil would pay for the $3 billion cost of your war?). Iraqis are worse off than before you invaded. You're running up a huge bill for this adventure, and we're forced to pay for it with money borrowed from the Chinese Communists.

If God was testing you, I do believe he'd say you failed.

You must be asking yourself, "How could things be going so wrong in Iraq when God is on MY side?"

Here's the deal: Invading a country under false pretenses is never a good idea. Beyond that, forcing a complete cultural and political revolution is impossible without the eager cooperation of the populace. If you proceed to alienate and intimidate people they will find it difficult to think of you or any of your grandiose ideas with much fondness.

Perhaps Iraqis realized you weren't just trying rebuild Iraq as a mere nation, you were attempting to grow your own Conservative Utopia of the Middle East—a shining testament to the twin glories of Social Darwinism and corporatism. The problem is that conservatism is not a philosophy of shared responsibility. It glorifies "have and have-more" selfishness, Halliburtonian greed, and Brownie's "you're-on-your-own" philosophy; it is antithetic to the tribal roots of the Iraqi culture.

George, I'm truly frightened. I'm scared for Iraq, for America, and for the world. You are doing terrible things in the name of conservatism and God; you're allowing more poisons in food, whoring public lands, plotting to gamble the contents of the Social Security lockbox, permitting greater pollution of the air, destabilizing governments, eliminating the rights of due process and privacy, glorifying blind faith and celebrating unquestioning obedience.

Thanks to you, more and more people are opening the door of that rusty old refrigerator called conservatism and they are chilled by what they see inside. Your approval rating is plummeting, but this only motivates you to use every pretense—including disasters like Katrina—to drive your mean-spirited agenda forward.

George, it's not your Scary Cowboy costume that frightens me, it's you.

I am scared because you are absolutely convinced of your righteousness and you surround yourself with people who fear to tell you otherwise.

I am scared because you are morphing America into your vision of a Conservative Utopia—a place where dog eats dog, where the wealthy few are the worthy few, where elections are rigged, and where our every thought and action is monitored and manipulated by an ideology-driven government.

I am scared that my country is being led by a man who fails to recognize bitter irony when he talks about a "radical ideology with immeasurable objectives to enslave whole nations and intimidate the world."

But most of all I am scared that this same man hears voices . . . voices that tell him what to do, where to go, what to say.

I don't doubt that someone is talking to you, George, but it isn't God.

Perhaps it's the Devil masquerading as Karl Rove.