Opinion

Where have all the phonies gone?
Missing the good old GOP

By Nick Paccione
Online Journal Contributing Writer

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October 22, 2005—In the movie comedy "Liar, Liar," Jim Carrey can't open his mouth without telling the truth and embarrassing himself by exposing his real opinions and prejudices. Though not at all comical, it seems like the same disorder has befallen the unraveling Republican leadership of our country. Over the past two months, they have unintentionally exposed their little black hearts as they seem to be falling over each other to see who can score the most repugnant sound bite.

With the evening news broadcasting the horrors of life and death situations largely due to the Bush administration's lack of responsiveness to Hurricane Katrina, the president went on to utter these memorable and revealing words to his FEMA Director Michael Brown, "You're doing a heckuva job, Brownie." Bush wasn't starving. No one in his family was in danger. So as far as Bush was concerned, Michael Brown was doing a "heckuva job." Say what you will about the president's past alleged lies but this time he expressed absolute honesty without regard for what anyone might think.

After "Brownie" was exposed as a President Bush crony with no experience in the handling of emergency situations Brown proclaimed, "I've overseen over 150 presidentially declared disasters. I know what I'm doing and I think I do a pretty darn good job of it." The key words here are "I think." In the face of how he reacted to Katrina, Brown honestly thinks that he did a good job, which speaks volumes of truth about the kind of people Bush is appointing to some of our country's most important positions.

And icy Laura Bush couldn't even be bothered to learn the name of the killer hurricane. In interviews in the aftermath, she kept referring to it as "Hurricane Corrina." Some might be inclined to think that she honestly didn't care. Rumor has it that instead of watching news accounts of the devastation; she had been busy watching an old Whoopi Goldberg movie on Showtime.

The former President George H. W. Bush has been relegated to playing with his grandchildren in the backyard. He puts an orange peel over his teeth and chases them around the vines and trees. They chase him with a canister of bug spray while Barbara tends to the family business. Giving proof that the coreless apple doesn't fall far from the tree, the president's mother made this statement referring to the hurricane evacuees: "What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this (chuckling) is working very well for them." Keep in mind that these people have probably lost everything including loved ones. Now please direct your attention to the word "scary." What actually scares her about poor people, mostly of color, moving to Texas? No one said honesty is going to be flattering.

Unable to conceal his typical right-wing prejudice toward blacks, "Book of Virtue" scribe and GOP icon, Bill Bennett spewed these words before he was able to stifle himself: "To reduce crime, you could—if that were your sole purpose—you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down." Yes, he went on to say that this would be morally reprehensible but his point was still made that he believes blacks are America's criminals and like most conservatives he doesn't allow for any context that might include crime as it relates to poverty and racism. A better syllogism might have stated: "To reduce crime, you could abort every conservative inclined to dole out corporate welfare and tax cuts for the wealthy and instead only give birth to thinking people who would concentrate on rebuilding our inner cities and crumbling education system and your crime rate would go down." The honesty bug was merciless in its attack on old Black Jack Bennett. This kind of virtue will earn him no sizzling sevens or even a double cherry jackpot.

In fairness, Vice President Dick Cheney has stayed true to form. He never has had a problem in showcasing that he has a huge intellect along with a pee-sized heart. This time, he's arguing that Congress should not try to ban torture as it might somehow hamper the fight against terrorism. Three renegade Republican Senators—John McCain, Lindsey Graham, and John Warner—are working on legislation that would do little more than ban the use of torture by the American military. According to the New York Times, Dick Cheney has been "leading a White House lobbying effort" to stop the legislation, basically fighting his own party in the Senate to reserve the right to torture prisoners. He's being as truthful and ruthless as ever.

Then there's the GOP's top Christian, Pat Robertson. Speaking as God's right-wing voice on earth, Robertson called for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Robertson told viewers of his longtime show, "The 700 Club," that Chavez was turning his oil-rich South American country into "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism all over the continent." This staunch Bush ally went on to say, "If he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think we really ought to go ahead and do it." Once again, a GOP stalwart speaks from his heart betraying what he pretends to believe. Can anyone anywhere imagine Jesus Christ calling for anyone to kill his/her enemy? Christ preached love of enemies and to "turn the other cheek." Robertson is speaking his own treacherous truth that has always lurked so close to the surface in most everything he says and does.

Under investigation for insider trading, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist maintains that he did nothing illegal which may be true. We learned that when he's not diagnosing comatose patients via videotape, he has lots of dollars to manage. But he also revealed that he sold his stock (at a huge profit) to avoid conflict and that the trust was blind. Which leads truth seekers to ask, "If the trust was blind, how did he know when and what to sell"? The truth seemed to ooze out in spite of Frist.

All of this honesty from politicians of any stripe is somewhat unnerving, but more so because these gems are pouring out of the GOP. The always-crafty Republicans have been masters of deception with an uncanny ability to present the illusion of compassion, family values, religious conviction and sincerity. Their instincts for orchestrated sound bites that stretch the truth have been, well, unimpeachable.

But alas, we've still got House Majority Leader Tom DeLay. Indicted twice in one week for conspiracy and money laundering, he continued to lie about his immoral and reprehensible misuse of power. After being forced to step down as the Republican Majority Leader he made this revealing statement: "Everybody says you can indict a ham sandwich with a grand jury. This is a ham sandwich indictment without the ham." His alarming ability to lie even to himself is still intact, especially if he can't see the ham when he looks in a mirror.

So Tom DeLay has not been bitten by the honesty bug that has embarrassed so many of his colleagues. He's okay and apparently still able to lie without conscience. He's a maverick. He always has been. And he may be the only prominent Republican left that offers a glimmer of hope that they will one day return to form—to do what they do best.

Nick Paccione is a freelance writer living in Long Beach, California.